Josie tilted her head to the side and a whimpering sound came out, instead of her own voice. Clearing her throat and struggling to try again, finally ...
I’m sorry, she says. I think I’ve misunderstood?
The blurred face in front of her shook his head again. In a sympathetic gesture, he reached out to take her hand, to steady her as her knees shook. It felt as though she had just run the final miles of a marathon. Her heart beating so fast it could be seen outside of her sweater. Her legs as jelly and her hands shaking, with cold sweat pooling.
I’m sorry, she says. I think I’ve misunderstood?
The blurred face in front of her shook his head again. In a sympathetic gesture, he reached out to take her hand, to steady her as her knees shook. It felt as though she had just run the final miles of a marathon. Her heart beating so fast it could be seen outside of her sweater. Her legs as jelly and her hands shaking, with cold sweat pooling.
He was just here. I just talked to him. What do you mean? This can’t be?
He steadied her again, this time a bit more firmly. Asking her to sit down, to just please sit down.
You have it all wrong. You are wrong!
Inside, she began to ache so quickly. She understood. She realized that is indeed what it feels like to lose life. To have life taken away from you so suddenly.
In one instant, she was surprisingly able to see every minute detail of his face, the way his eyes changed colors just before the dark of the iris began. She could smell the strange combination of shaving cream and laundry detergent on his hanky. The many wrinkles that were just as much a part of his smile as his lips.
Without warning, her thoughts were suddenly halted as dizziness overtook her normally stout body and she realized she was glad he had asked her to sit down.
I just don’t understand. He was just here.
(Following a prompt at The Red Dress Club for a piece of flash fiction, 300 words or less, with the theme prompt of LIFE. Not quite sure what flash fiction is, but it IS under 300 words ...)
A stunning piece. I don't exactly know what flash fiction is supposed to be either. But this is powerful and moving and within the limit. I'd say it counts.
ReplyDeleteI found you! Thanks for the email direction. :-)
ReplyDeleteFlash fiction is a very, very short story in that it contains all plot elements in a very small amount of words. I had never attempted it myself before this week, it was a fun challenge.
That said, this piece may not have been true flash fiction but it did capture the suddenness and disbelief of unexpected death. Its a fear that lives in many of us, I would think, everytime a loved one walks out the door. I love the repeat of "He was just here.". Heartbreaking.
Wow. Just imagining this, just reading these words and feeling the main character's emotions, evoked so much emotion in me. I hate to think what such a moment would be like, but I think you captured it so well here.
ReplyDeleteStopping by from TRDC!
Oh so very sad. Poor Josie.
ReplyDeleteThis line: "The blurred face in front of her shook his head again." is where I understood what happened. it really tugged at me. I'd say you nailed flash fiction! :)
This is exactly as I would imagine such a moment to be - confusion, realization, heartbreak. Well done.
ReplyDeleteI have lived this moment in my head a million times, having nightmares of how I would react to this news. You nailed it.
ReplyDelete